How outcome independent can you really be?

Or how does your Inner Game get affected by your Outer?

First, a little reminder.

Inner Game is all about how you feel inside. What state you are in emotionally. How you view yourself both as a separate individual and related to others. How attractive you think you are for women and which women you believe are attracted to you. What level of skill you believe you have in doing certain things. Anything related to your confidence, self esteem and self worth are Inner Game stuff.

Outer Game is how you project yourself to the world. How you present yourself, what you wear, how you talk. Your ability to excite people, to make them emote. Your verbal and non-verbal skills, your tonality, your voice, your mannerisms and expressions. What you choose to say. The way you touch, the way you escalate. All those things that have to do with how you approach someone are Outer Game.

Some time ago I came to a realization. No matter the amount of inner tranquil you can achieve, be it you can refrain from screaming at the TV when your team plays like a bunch of ladies against their biggest rival all the way to Buddhist-monk-and-I-can-levitate, you will never be at rest if you don’t achieve outer goals.

In a Game context, at least, getting what you want is vital to feeling at rest.

What about “outcome independence” then?

Outcome independence is a mindset that helps you become less stressed and anxious about, guess what, achieving your OUTER goals! It is an Inner Game characteristic that improves your OUTER Game. It does not, by itself, bring you peace of mind. It is the result associated with becoming outcome independent that satisfies your restlessness.

He is probably pretty outcome independent

Looking at it from the other side, an external goal being achieved makes you FEEL better. You are calmer and you see signs of your skill being recognized. In the context of Game, it means you see interest by women. It means you start feeling more confident in yourself and his ability to attract. To get a notch, find a girlfriend, create relationships and so on.

Unless you’re MGTOW or a monk, I don’t think you can escape this simple truth. If you’re a single man who is interested in women, you need to see results in order to feel absolutely calm. At the same time, you need to fix your insecurities in order to get results.

I don’t remember where I read this, probably in a book by a PUA, but it said “Take the most insecure guy in the world, with the worst inner Game imaginable and teach him how to get laid with a dozen women. Then ask him how confident he feels.”.

Last year I went through a phase where I was feeling better than usual. I met a guy who I was winging with who was in a constant upbeat and light hearted state. This transformed me from being a bit slow to get going and nervous in the beginning of a night out (that is another issue, when viewing every night as a mission) to being more fun and getting in set easier. This simple change inside was very visible on the outside.

At the same time, the interest I was getting that period made me feel more secure in my ability to attract.

There are probably many guys who would argue that you should never let pickup define your inner state. Although I see the point and agree with it up to a point, I can’t say it makes total sense.

Think about a football (European, but the exact sport doesn’t really matter unless NFL teams consist of enlightened gurus detached from their earthly tether) team losing one game after the other but nobody feeling bad about it because, well, they play well and enjoy the game. You cannot enjoy any game if you keep losing.

The only way you can truly detach from outer outcome, is if you do not care at all. In terms of Game, it would mean that you don’t care about the ability to attract. You don’t care about getting laid. You don’t care about feeling desirable.

That would be easily achievable if sex was not a physical need. As I write this, I realize that the world “need” is not accurate. You don’t need sex to survive. But it sure feels a lot like a matter of life or death when you’re having that big morning erection…or multiple ones. Sex comes to our mind either we want it either we don’t.

If I was allowed to use a cliché, which I am not, I would say that Game is not all black and white. It’s not either you are obsessed, or you are completely unaffected by your results. When it’s all said and done, Game is about becoming the best, most attractive version of yourself. And that version surely involves some women.