Saturday FR: If you don’t talk the talk, you won’t walk the walk

Sometimes I have an experience that makes me wonder if I have actually gotten any good at approaching over years of consuming PUA material and practicing.

And by “material” I don’t mean specific lines, but mostly theory and general attitude.

Following is an (over?) analysis of a couple few-minute interactions with girls. Because you’re not really into Game if you’re not making a full report of everything that transcribed when you talked to a girl.

Last night I went to a bar with a couple of mates. We started the night by catching up at a bar that I like going to. This place has nice drinks, great decor and plays music that does not hurt my ears. My only complaint is that it is more suited to a lounge bar since it has no dance floor, but the music is quite loud – more like a club.

The people come from both the hipster “worn t-shirt and Vance” and the “leather pants and heels” worlds. It’s a mix that I like, since I do alright with the first type but the second is closer to what I find attractive.

Started the night with my friend telling me about his holiday and catching up, while taking peeks to the crowd.

After all between my friends and me was said, I was looking for chances to open. The girls I liked were either in a group or seated somewhere a bit “unreachable”. Group approaches are not my forté, that’s something I ought to have worked more on just do. But I have gotten quite good at two things: 1) turning eye contact into approaches, 2) making use of little “accidents” to open.

I was sitting on some sort of stair-shaped platform with my friend, on the lowest bench. We were chatting when a girl accidentally stepped on the tip of my foot on her way to the bar. I did not even feel it, she mostly lightly bumped the tip of my shoe. But she turned around to say sorry as she was walking away. Now I have a simple trick that I always use when a girl bumps on me in open space: I exaggerate to a ridiculous degree that it hurt. What does your face do when you walk fast in the house and you hit the table leg with your toe? That is the expression that I take. Combined with a silent prolonged ouch.

Peter Griffin on sidewalk "Ouch" scene
Me when a girl bumps into me

I gave a heartfelt performance, really portraying the pain and agony one feels when having a cute girl violently give him a light bump. “She likes you” my friend said. Jokingly I thought, as we often do that to give each other a push to approach.

We will never know if it was the performance or my natural charm, but the girl did come back. “Is it ok?” she asked. “It still hurts. You are stronger than you look” I responded. She lowered herself down after she saw that I didn’t give a one-word answer. Her friend sat next to me.

“I’m a bit clumsy”, she said. “I noticed” I said with a smirk.

Our interaction so far was fine. Smart and funny way to open, she hooked, I teased. Her friend was also into it, she was smiling. I asked them how they know each other, made them rate their level of friendship. All good.

And then, blackout.

I got this feeling you get when you feel you have nothing to say to keep the interaction moving. That sense of the inevitable awkward silence approaching, your brain searching for cues to say something.

“How has your night been so far?” I said, hoping to get something that would help me keep things alive.

Now I’m not a newbie. I don’t consider myself advanced in picking up, but I do think I’m a good conversationalist. But there are two things that are important to succeed in that: a) the skill of creating topics out of thin air and b) what the other side is giving you to work with.

Having (a) is the most important. If you can ramble on about things, you exude confidence and you avoid that cringe situation where everyone is silent, tension builds up, people are looking at each other hoping for someone to say something until finally someone decides to call it quits and politely leave. Having (b) is great because it makes it easier for you to have a conversation. On top of that, it shows that the girl is into you.

But some nights are just…off.

In my case, I made a comment that apparently turned the girl that approached me feel a bit awkward. After I asked how their night has been, she smiled and I teased her.

“Hmm that smile was a bit suspicious, like you have been up to mischief”.

She turned her head away, still smiling but I felt it was not genuine.

“Alright, we just went out. Have you been here long?” said her friend.

“Yeah, a couple of hours” I said. “This place closes in about a half hour”.

The conversation was going nowhere. A few moments later, the girl that I talked to asked her friend if she would like to go sit at a table in the other bar. After she said yes, they politely greeted us and left.

As I’m thinking back now, I realize that it’s not so much the thread itself. It’s mostly the vibe you’re giving out. And the vibe there was “I don’t know what to talk with you about so I’ll chit chat aimlessly”.

Another thing that often happens when one of (a) or (b) are not there, is you start making many questions. Questions are not bad in my opinion, but when only one side asks them and when questions are more than statements or stories…it comes across as trying hard.

So you’re trying to not ask many questions, simultaneously not having so much to say…Black out.

After the girls were gone, I made another approach. This time a girl I was having eye-contact with previously in the night. We looked at each other, I smiled, she smiled back, I waved, she waved back. I went over. She was sitting with a friend of hers. I did some cold reading about what they do, made statements about it…I was not getting much from them though. Especially her friend, she seemed like she was just waiting for me to say the next thing. My friend tried to help me by coming into the set, but it was not working. After a few minutes another friend of theirs arrived, they said something about leaving and they started getting ready. I told the girl I liked that I thought she looked cute and I went over to see if she’s an interesting person to talk with. Just a final shot thrown out there to see if it generates something more. Got a polite thank you, and we all left.

Sometimes things look effortlessly simple and some others it seems like trying to solve an equation with more unknowns than givens. I don’t think that pickup, and especially having good conversations, is rocket science. Occasionally though you run into the problem of creating and maintaining a good flow.

To make it clear, all I’m referring to here is how to have good conversations when approaching. Engaging, fun which eventually lead to comfort and from there give you ground for sexualizing. I am not saying that a good conversation is going to get you laid. Sometimes even the best Game simply won’t work. It’s many other factors that come into play. As well as other times, plain and dull topics will work because the girl didn’t want or need something more.

What I want to do is become more direct and to the point, especially when I notice that it’s not the best night for my verbal game. Just ask for the number and close the approach like that if I see that I won’t be able to hold it. Direct game still requires good conversational skills, perhaps even more than indirect because you have to back up the confidence of saying things straight. And because most women won’t just get it on with you just because you said “Hi, I want you to make my bed tomorrow morning, after you mess it up tonight”. Sh*t, that was a good line. I’ll use it next time.

Advertisements

Closing a date and my current level of motivation to Game

I haven’t written in 3 months. Realizing that the Internet got worried and less entertaining/entertained by my absence, I thought I’d make up for it. Also, I’m not so tired as to go to bed yet, 9 minutes before 1AM so that’s my sleeping pill.

What’s happened those last 3 months?

Not much that is super exciting. It sounds a bit sad, I know, but let’s face it: if you live a “normal” life things are pretty much on auto pilot. You wake up, you go to work, you hit the gym, you cook dinner, you go to bed. In between all those things you add some living life.

It’s not all that depressing. It’s fine. Honestly, if I could change one thing it would be to just add 1 hour of productivity in my day. Or half an hour of outside work productivity. I’m happy with the rest of my routine.

I did go on two trips, one of them being to Krakow. It was a solo trip to a city I’ve been wanting to go for a while. Went towards the end of June and it was hot. I generally avoid traveling to places far from the sea in the summer but this was a good chance. I may do a write-up of that trip but in short: lively city with interesting history, cultural points of interest, lots of tourism and an average level of talent. Did not get much action, I can’t say I was on top of my form that weekend.

A few months ago I had met an attractive older woman on a night out. It was a period of about 1 month where I was going out every weekend and consistently got makeouts and had dates. I got NO lays from all that, but on a few occasions it was because I was not into it or interested enough to pursue it. Like I’ve mentioned before, I’m past that stage of going for the lay up if I don’t think it’s worth it. Growing old? Maybe.

In any case, that woman came to my place last week. Pizza, red wine, playing catch up and then playing in the bedroom. She is hotter than what I expected, more eager than I thought and I’m having fun with her as a “friend”.

It’s also important that for now at least, I have someone I can meet and “get it out of my system”. As any guy will admit, dry spells are not fun especially when they last for a couple (or more) of months.

This brings to my next point: motivation to Game. The will to go out there, create leads and try to add new notches. When it comes to that, I’m on the low level lately. Perhaps I’m tired of having done it a while, perhaps I finally realized what a gigantic effort it is with very low ROI, perhaps it’s just a phase. Of course you can’t rule out Game completely if you’re single, but I feel I have to be more efficient. I can’t see myself melting the soles off my shoes and wandering the streets every other day just to talk to girls.

I might have felt differently had my performance been better though. When I think about how many times I passed on a set, didn’t take a chance or simply chickened out I…well, I’d rather not think about it. But, like Rag’n’Bone man, I’m only human after all.

Despite all that, I still like going out and walking in the city when the weather is nice. And naturally I do have my eyes open for possible approaches. That’s how I got the number of a cute girl sunbathing at the port a couple of weeks ago. Sad that numbers don’t mean sh*t nowadays. But, glass half-full. Am out there, doing the thing.

So what I’m saying is, I don’t know what will motivate me to be more active. Femininity is definitely one thing – coming across a girl who knows how to dress and move as a woman. It has to stand out, I just can’t be bothered going for average. Not because I’ve had tons of it, because it simply does not work for me.

Unless of course it’s a night out, it’s late and it seems like a win. Then I can be bothered with 5s.

I guess at the end of the day it’s a matter of what you want out of Game. And right now, I want more quality and perhaps someone I can consider LTR-like material.

The writing/sleeping pill has started having an effect. Time to wrap it up.

Till next time, stay hungry.

Friday date, (c)ouch Saturday, daygame leads and the missing spice

Saturday night, 23.10pm. I should be out mingling, giving the opportunity to a lucky lady to get in touch with my inner soul for the night. Instead I’m on the sofa, writing this post. Something is wrong.

What’s wrong is that I managed to strain my neck from doing pullups again. And instead of dealing with the pain, I thought I’d take Ibuprofen immediately this time. No good to let it ruin my Saturday, is it? Especially with the sun out.

What I had forgotten is that Ibuprofen sometimes makes me drowsy.

Sure enough, a bit later I’m sitting at the café I usually go to on Saturday afternoons to do some reading and I’m feeling sluggish. Same as I’m out strolling and looking for some daygame action. So I end up only doing the grocery shopping for the week.

I hoped that after getting home and eating I would take a nap or something so that I’d be ready for tonight, but nope. I’m sorry lucky lady, it seems it’s just not your lucky night tonight.

Guy sleeping on the couch
Me, now

Friday date

Last Friday I had another home date. This time it was an older woman who I had met some time ago on the dancing floor at a bar. I’ve written before how I think everyone who’s into nightlife and game should at least learn to feel comfortable on the dance floor. I was never into clubbing in my university years, possibly due to my group of friends. But since I changed country and social circle, I started going to clubs more. Going to clubs and not dancing is like going to the beach and not taking a dive. Sure there are things to do at the beach, but you’ll get hot and bored (pun intended).

I went to that woman’s place with a bottle of wine and a long disclaimer from her that I should not expect sex because of her complicated life. I’m not sure why I decided to go to be honest. In any case, what I like about that woman, except for her obviously good taste in men, is that she can take a tease. The banter is always enjoyable, she’s smart and pretty hot for her age (mid 40s I guess, didn’t ask).

The date was as good as a sexless date can be. Now I know women say things just to say them very often. Shit tests exist to weed out the weak guys and all that. Just as I know that it’s not impossible that “one thing leads to another” and suddenly we’re playing “just the tip, just for a little bit…just to see how it feels”. But since I’ve gotten to know that woman a bit more, and I know of some special circumstances in her life, I was convinced that she would put up a wall for me. So instead of banging my head against it, I decided to play it cool. I was also really, really tired. Seems like I was carrying some weight from this past work week. In short, the whole time we were playing catch up, she was learning about me and I was finding out about her complicated life. Once more, the complication was self inflicted. No game of fate or anything, just people not being strong enough to make decisions. I am being a bit judgemental, and I will be towards myself too if I ever end up like that.

Spring time, street time

In other news, sun is here and I’ve started doing some daygame. It can still get ball-biting cold but on a good sunny day there’s plenty of people out and as long as you’re not in the shade you should be able to do some approaches on the street or at the park. The latter ones are my favorite.

Last weekend I got 4/4 numbers from approaching during the day or evening. No, I’m not a fan of spam approaching. And lately I have found that I don’t feel the urge to approach if I don’t get excited enough when I see the girl. It’s like my mind is filtering out women automatically. Or maybe I’m only making excuses for myself.

In any case, it was good to see that my closing works but they were not really solid closes. In one case the girl was literally writing her number on my phone as I was holding it and she was stepping on the bus. That was kind of funny.

3/4 did not respond at all. One responded a couple of days later and we did have a short chat. She has disappeared, but I’m gonna re-initiate. I don’t expect much of course. From my experience, if something is going to happen then it is going to happen quickly. There has been a small percentage of women who became curious enough to go out with me long after I met them, but it’s negligible.

To be honest, daygame is more about the thrill and the skill than the result. If we compare effort and time, night and online are way better. But I’ll save the analysis for another time.

Getting technical: I want to spice things up

Creating leads has not been a big problem for me lately. Either from day or night, I get digits.

My main sticking point most of the time is spicing the conversation up. I often end up in the comfort area where I stay too long. I need to be polarizing more, teasing and creating something more memorable.

Now, Game will be comfort-heavy most of the time. And the good thing is that I’m good at that part. From a “technical” point of view, I do well with teasing and using innuendos when I know a girl likes me. But I’m holding back when I run into girls that are more neutral.

Sometimes comfort alone is enough, especially when you’re talking to a girl who is more shy. Then you have those that you don’t have a common sense of humor with and there the references or subtleties might get lost in translation.

To avoid paralysis by analysis, let’s just say that being a bit more forward when I get the urge to stay in comfort will not hurt me.

Time for bed.

Friday FR: Major date letdown or learning your lesson the hard way

Game is not over until you’ve closed or it’s clear that she’s not interested.

Once more, this time with feeling:

Game is not over until you’ve closed or it’s clear that she’s not interested.

That’s my take-home message from this weekend. That I’ll never consider it a done deal or stop escalating until it’s evident that she is not interested in going forward. And I learned it the hard way. And it wasn’t the first time, but it will be the last.

Here’s the story.

I was at a girl’s place this Friday on our 2nd date. Mid to late 20s, tall, thin, with a cute face. We had met at a bar a couple of weeks before, where I initially approached her friend. Eventually the friend told me she has a boyfriend and after she left, I stayed out for drinks with her and my mate. Mate also left after we bounced to another bar. One glass of wine led to another and we kissed…until she got so drunk she had to leave. I got her number and let her on her way. I hit her up a few days later and to my surprise she remembered me, but more or less nothing from the night out. We set up a date for the coming Sunday.

The date was a blast. We clicked humor-wise, she was invested and her attention was 100% on me. That’s what a good date looks like, for reference. When the date ended, we kissed lightly and she said she wanted to meet again. We kept in touch during the week and on Friday that week she told me I could go by her place.

Friday came and after work, I went and bought some red wine. I got home and ticked off all the points on my simple minimalistic date checklist:

  • Dinner, don’t go hungry
  • Shower, freshen up after the day
  • Beard, trim it to show that jawline

I hop on the bus and get on my way. “Weather’s shit”, I thought. Spraying rain and wind. Probably the best type of Friday to set a date on, which I usually avoid. I would probably end up in a date situation anyway, since the cute cougar I had met a few weeks back (and who had cancelled on me the day after we met) wanted to meet up for a drink and explain to me her “complicated life situation”.

After a half hour’s bus ride I’m there. Google Maps on and looking for the address. A couple of circles but I find it. I text that I’m standing outside and she texts back that I should ring the bell. I do. The door opens and she’s laughing, happy like a pup with two tails.

She gives me a tour of the – big, 3 floor – apartment that she’s sharing with others. No one else is there that night though. She even shows me her bedroom.

We go back down, she pours some of the red wine I brought in two glasses and we head for the couch.

For the next couple of hours we’re having genuine fun. The conversation is going great. We’re drinking, checking out Youtube, having some laughs, talking about interests, travels, teasing each other. Eventually, I make my move. I just lean in and kiss her. We make out for a bit. She seems into it. She’s all in when kissing but the rest of her body language is not. She holds one hand between her legs and has them tight together. When we stop making out, I still have her near me for a bit, with my hand over her, rubbing her other arm. “She’ll loosen up next time”, I think.

The above repeated itself a couple more times. In the meantime, we would talk and listen to each other’s favorite music.

The whole time I’m there, I’m feeling that it can’t go wrong. Surely, we’re going to head for the bedroom at some point. Her flatmate’s furry grumpy cat is hopping around us, I wonder if it’s going to leave us alone.

At some point, I look at the clock. It’s 01.20. I’ve been there more than 4 hours. We’ve talked. We’ve watched videos. We’ve drank. We’ve listened to music. We’ve made out. We haven’t moved an inch towards the bedroom. Not that I don’t like the couch. But, what’s happening?

“Well, I think I need to call it a night”, she says. I’ll let Ben Affleck describe how I felt. Take it away Ben.

tenor
Ben’s been there

I check the buses and there’s one leaving in 15′, another in 45′. Because of how long it took me to find the place, I didn’t know how long it takes to the stop. So I asked if it’s ok to wait for the next one, which I did.

Those 30′ until I’d leave her apartment were awful. You know the feeling when you’re invited to dinner and the food sucks, but you have to pretend you like it?

The same girl that was so into me, was now completely uninterested. She put on a video on Youtube to watch. I have to say, watching Trevor Noah while seeing your chances of having sex vanish is somewhat relieving #NOT.

She was checking her phone, which she never did before. I felt like eating last night’s pizza for breakfast: it was hot and melting in your mouth at some point, but now it’s cold, sticky and just wrong. At least pizza stills tastes good.

The time came to hit the bricks (get it?). On my way out, I made a last effort. She gave me a long hug and we kissed on the lips (marginally more excitingly than kissing your sister). Not having much to lose at that point, I said the first thing I could think of: “I have to get to the bus but staying here is intriguing.” She had a little smile on and her response was “Noted”. I smiled, said good night, turned and left.

Being used and left out to walk in the rain is bad. Not being used and left out to walk in the rain is horrible.

All joking aside, where did it go wrong?

In the end, you can’t know what would have happened. All you can do is test for compliance and gradually escalate. That’s where I f*cked up. I kept thinking it’s going to come on its own. But nobody comes on their own, everybody needs some rubbin’.

First off, I didn’t make any dominant moves. I could have grabbed her hands, hold them and place them on me. Show her that I want us to touch more. I could have started kissing her lower on the neck, like I usually do.

Then, I could have escalated verbally. Tell her I like how she smells, how soft her lips are. That I am enjoying it. Make her say something, stop that brain from functioning so logically and get more emotional and seductive. Even go full on and tell her that I want her. Maybe tease her, tell her that this is a 7/10, I’m sure she has more to give.

Well, I guess she’s gonna give that to someone else.

My deepest realization from this fiasco though is this:

Dating coaches and PUAs say that you should be present and enjoy the moment. You should focus on sparkling a woman’s emotions and create a genuine, fun and engaging interaction. That should be the focus on your date, and you shouldn’t be thinking about how to get to sex.

I agree, but…

On my example I did, without even thinking it, all the above. I was literally into it, I was having fun and didn’t care about sex. I took it for granted that it would come, which is another piece of advice you will hear.

Well, that’s all good but it’s still unbalanced. The real balance is found when you do all of the above while still keeping getting to sex on the back of your head.

Why?

If you only focus on being present and fun, you will be having fun interactions but you will neglect the nuances and logistics of moving from fun in the living room to fun in the bedroom. On the other hand, if you only think about how to get to the bedroom you will end up with staged, uninteresting and boring interactions while it may become obvious that you’re anxious about getting her to bed.

Lesson learned.

Pickup on-screen: Keys to the VIP

Pickup and Game, although starting from the underground, found their way to the mass audience. Books, films and TV shows brought the scene from the forums and lairs to the home of the average person.

Keys to the VIP is one of these representations.

Keys to the VIP judges
Show us Game, son

The show

Keys to the VIP is a TV show that aired in 2006 on Canadian television. It ended after 3 seasons. Each episode has a runtime of about 22 minutes.

In each episode, 2 contestants compete in 3 rounds over who will demonstrate the best skill in approaching and attracting women at a specific venue, usually night. In each round they receive a specific task: either an end goal or an approach tactic. They need to reach the goal or use that tactic successfully in order to win the round.

The contestants are critiqued by 4 judges. Each judge is a different type of personality and has a different focus, taste and strength in Game.

After all rounds are completed, the judges decide on a winner. The winner is awarded a VIP experience at a nightclub for him and his friends, in the company of models.

The Tests

The tasks the contestants receive are usually about closing a number or using a certain technique in order to work a set. For instance, one of the most common ones is to number close within 3 minutes. Another one is “Recovery” where the player has to open with an insult a.k.a neg and then manage to turn it around. There are about a dozen different tasks.

Contestants and Judges

The guys competing in the show are most of the time your average club goer. I’m guessing they send in applications to participate in the show, like in most reality shows, and they are picked probably based on how much their profile will generate attention. Not sure how they are matched against each other and if the judges are the ones making that decision.

The judges themselves are a bit of a mystery. I have no idea what their background is, as it is not presented in the show but it can surely be found somewhere online. In any case, they are supposed to be representing the “4 corners of the male psyche”: the cold and calculated, the jock, the mysterious philosopher and the romantic. They don’t show us any Game, but based on what they say they do know the theory.

My thoughts

I’ll start by saying that it is 2019 by the time of this writing, which means that this show is somewhat dated. And I am not only referring to the fashion which is obviously from another time (a ton of gel on the hair, shirts with no sense of fit). However…

This show is fun to watch and can be useful, as long as you’re a guy who is interested in Game. Women probably hate it, while men who are not into Game may find it anywhere from trash to pure entertainment. I also believe that this show would never be made today. Not only because pickup is not as new anymore on the media, but also because of all the feminist hate it would generate.

What I like the most about this show is the realism. Now, I’m not claiming that it’s all 100% real. I have read somewhere that at least one of the participants had a girl he knew in the club and pretended to be picking her up. I can imagine parts of it being staged. It’s television. But if you watch the interactions, they are 100% realistic interactions you will get out there “in the field”. Many of these things, from the most mundane boring chit-chat-don’t-know-what-to-say interactions to the most extreme blowouts or makeouts, have happened to me or to people I know. It’s all there, the trainwrecks, the obvious flakes, the I-don’t-get-how-it-happened.

Another thing I like is the fact that the judges take sides. Each judge picks someone they root for, but during the game they try to be objective. The reason this is fun is because you get the same kind of “guy talk” that you do with your friends. You can relate to it, laugh with it, laugh at it and simply have a good time.

One more thing I enjoy is seeing all the different types of guys out there and their Game. You see everything from the (wannabe) bad boys to the timid have-no-game guys and the model-looking to the plain dudes. Most importantly though you get to see some (few) guys who really have it and some (many) who are good examples of what not to be like. In general, many guys would not get laid if their life depended on it while some really ought to thank mom and dad for their jawline.

As far as Game goes, the show ran at the era of Mystery Method. Naturally, you see a lot of references to it. Even instructors from Love Systems participated in a couple of episodes.

At the end of the day, Keys to the VIP is a show for those who have tumbled down the rabbit hole and found themselves in the wonderland of Game. It’s cringe sometimes, but so can cold-approaching be. If you can laugh watching guys get blown out, or if you can incorporate some of the good stuff in your approaches then sit back, relax and enjoy the show.

Back to reality: Game adventures post-Australia

Still from the movie "Alfie"
So, you look like you know how to cure post-holiday blues

It’s been 1,5 month that I’ve been back from down under. Time flies. At the same time I realize how important it is to take a winter break. It really helps push through those winter months up here in the north. Weather is a major troll by the way. Everytime I get back from a trip, the weather here is sh*t. Rainstorms, snowstorms, cold. Thankfully, Game is here to warm the body and the heart (#poetanddontknowit).

I’ve been out pretty much every weekend and consistently got something, either numbers or makeouts. Had a girl over but decided not to go for sex. This is the first time I friendzone a girl that I’ve brought home. I surprised myself doing that, since I’m not really seeing anybody at the moment. But I’m at a point right now where I don’t care so much about the notch anymore set certain standards, apparently. And I’m not even high in notches, especially for someone who’s known about Game for years. But that’s a story for another post.

This positive but not entirely successful, in pickup terms, streak I’ve been running started at some point in the middle of January. Since then I’ve had:

  • An older (40+), attractive woman whom I met online come over to my place. She was up for it but said that she was on her period, ended up getting an unfinished handjob (#shouldbeillegal). The thing died because she lost interest. Actual reason unknown, could be that she figured out she wasn’t into me or she wants something more meaningful.
  • Another date from online which led to full close. Nice looking girl, a couple of years older than me who I met up with at a pub near my place. We had an amazing time there and then went back to mine. It was clear she wanted it but hadn’t decided. I was cool, relaxed and told her that we can just chill. After some talk about other things of common interest, we ended up making out heavy and eventually got to the bedroom.
  • Makeout at a party event with a student girl in her mid 20s. About a 6 on the scale, relatively tall and thin. Bounced to another place after the event, danced, kissed but did not fully close. I had a friend over that weekend and I was feeling dead tired after all those hours out on a Friday. I think she also realized she doesn’t want to have sex that night. Hit her up again a couple of days later, exchanged a couple of texts but she did not seem too warm and I was not interested enough to put up with her sh*t.
  • The girl I asked to come over to mine but whom I didn’t close. It was our 2nd date, the first one being on Valentine’s Day. Again, very fun date and cool person but certain things just didn’t do it for me. To be honest, I would probably disregard all that if I was more than baseline attracted to her. Had a blast otherwise though.
  • Pretty attractive older (40+) woman whom I met at bar a week prior to writing this. Hit it off at the dance floor, had good banter and ended up making out on the spot. She was clearly very attracted, even told me “You know what I want”. Logistics, that ugly foul beast, was not on my side as she was hosting a friend from out of town. We made plans for the next day. We arranged that I would drop by her place, have some wine and cinnamon buns (#romancelives) and enjoy the night. She flaked on me 15′ later because of an unexpected event. We spoke on the phone and she gave me the usual “my situation is complicated” crap. I got pretty disappointed by that. The chemistry was great, we were all over each other and I was looking forward some Mrs. Robinson loving. Oh well.
  • Last night (Saturday) which lead to kiss and number closing a girl at a club. Dance floor game here as well. It really helps when they put on songs I know the lyrics of. I’m pretty good at using that to connect to a girl on the floor provided we make some eye contact. The girl literally sprang down to me and kissed me directly. We spent at least an hour dancing, I met her friends and she met mine. At some point she even said we need to find a friend for her friend. I offered to help, being the nice guy I am. Second time that happens lately, there have to be a lot of women out there who are not getting any. Anyway, logistics again, she had to go home with a friend who she’s living with and who was waiting for her outside. Got a number, which we all know means little.
  • A couple of other leads, most important of which from a direct evening approach on the street on a weeknight. Girl in her early 20s, 8-8,5/10. Straight up said to her that I had to say hello because she looked amazing. And she did in tube socks and a skirt. She loved it, we had a fun quick chat and she even told me to take her number and maybe meet up with her later that night. Messaged her about 1,5 hour later and she responded eagerly but not really setting a time to meet. Couldn’t follow since I would be working the next day so I suggested we meet an hour later. Her response was “I text you if I’m bored” followed by the kissing emoji. That’s the only kiss I got that night.

Some of the above girls I might meet again, meaning the window is still open but by a margin. In any case, I’m feeling pretty good about that part of my life right now. The reason is that there’s action. Things are happening. There’s nothing I hate more than spending time being idle. Game is like a blessing and a curse. You realize the potential you have for a richer life but at the same time you run the risk of feeling restless and becoming one-sided.

Another thing that happens when there’s action is that you get to see what your sticking points are. And there are couple of them in my interactions. Well, it shouldn’t be too easy now, should it?

The place to be: Short stories from Australia pt. II

Have you ever seen a big stone sheep in the middle of nowhere?

I have.

Big Merrino statue
Beee

It’s somewhere in the 1001km between where we were staying in Sydney and where we were headed in Melbourne.

Gardens, laneways and markets

People were telling me that Melbourne feels like a European city. Naturally and like Sydney, it doesn’t have something that boasts a feeling of history. European cities have areas such as the Old Town, buildings and fortresses from the Middle Ages or even long before, monuments from the past, statues of historical figures lost down memory lane. Even though Melbourne doesn’t have that, apart perhaps for its Cathedrals that stick out, it does feel somewhat familiar if your from Europe. In some areas at least.

First of all, I can’t count the square kilometers of grass and trees there are in this city. The Royal Botanical Gardens feel like a full two-day tour if you want to walk every path and sit on every bench. Fitzroy Gardens is another place you can chill for hours, read a book or take a stroll.

Then you have the alleys. I had no idea that Melbourne is famous for its narrow streets. Apparently those have really taken off. They are packed with restaurants, coffee shops and small boutiques. Pretty cool spot to hang out with friends or bring a date. Even get lost just looking around.

Melbourne laneway

Oh, and a city is not cool enough if it doesn’t have its street-culture-urban-art-for-the-people-from-the-people graffiti block. To be honest, it is pretty hip.

Melbourne graffiti

Another thing that resembles European cities are Melbourne’s markets. Marketplaces and flee markets are always on my list when in a new city. Apart from the inherent charm and the feeling of mixing with the locals (and the thousands of other tourists like me) that they give me, I think they’re good places to buy souvenirs.

Queen Victoria Market is the biggest market in Melbourne. You will find anything, from groceries to boomerangs, and from kangaroo fur to weird creepy miniatures or random stuff someone didn’t need anymore.

Queen Victoria Market entrance

The next big market is South Melbourne Market. I tried a very tasty cheese-spinach burek there.

Cry me a river

The river Yarra (#teamgreyjoy) runs in Melbourne and the city has taken proper advantage of it. I did hang out there quite a bit, namely Federation Square and the Southbank Promenade. There are plenty of bars and restaurants around, in fact that’s where I took an almost-instant date. I mean, just look at it:

Yarra river by night
So yeah, I live on the last floor

That whole area is pretty busy. The square has free wifi for us tourists, so you can grab a nice award-winning sushi box, go online and post those #melbourne #victoriatheplacetobe instastories.

Sushi box
MULTI-award winner

Driving by the ocean

It’s not a complete visit to Melbourne if you don’t go on the Great Ocean Road tour. The interesting thing about that tour is that half of it is actually by the ocean. Depending on whether you do it in reverse or normally, you drive all the way to the last stop of the tour either by the water or inland. And you do the way back the other way.

The Great Ocean Road was built by the soldiers who came back after World War I as a tribute to those who fought in that war. It was also a way to create more jobs for the increased workforce after the end of the war.

The big selling point of that tour is, except for the fact that you’re by the ocean, the so-called Twelve Apostles. It’s a series of rocks in the sea that were named Twelve Apostles because they were twelve…you would think. No, they were actually nine at most. They are six now after being consumed by the crushing waves. I don’t remember why or if there is even a reason they are called that other than that their old name was something along the lines of “The mother pig and its babies”. Not that, but close. Well, the name is the least important. The view is pretty cool.

12 Apostles Melbourne
Where did the rest of you go?

Some nice beaches, a lighthouse close to a cliff with an amazing view, and the famous Great Ocean Road road sign/arch are along the way on the Great Ocean Road.

Lighthouse
Anybody up there?
Ocean Road beach
The sky, the sea…you and me

 

Yarra, you make me tipsy

If you like wine you should not miss going on a wine tour in Yarra Valley. And if you don’t you should really reconsider some things in life, or just start liking it there.

Countless wineries are located in the valley. Pick your least favorite friend as the designated driver, obtain a map of the valley and choose a few for some wine-tasting. What stuck with me is a the glass of white Chardonnay I tried at Mandala Wines.

Yarra vineyard
Looks like a good crop this year Jarvis

And since there is arguably nothing better to taste after wine than chocolate, Yarra has you covered. The chocolaterie located in the valley has tons of different products, ice-cream, free samples and well…good old chocolate. It will be a bit packed on weekends.

Where else did you go, Trent?

I went to Chadstone and can brag about being in the biggest mall in the southern hemisphere. Spotted wild kangaroos in Lysterfield park. Had a swim at St. Marys beach in Mornington.

In Melbourne, Chapel Street looked pretty hip although I was there during the day. Probably a good place to hit at night for drinks, but still had a vibe. Inside the CBD, Bourke Street and Elizabeth Street gave me a good feel of the city. Town Hall, Parliament, The Shrine of Remembrance, State Library are other points of interest.

St. Kilda and South Melbourne beaches are a sandy break from the urban environment and a great way to watch the sunset #romancelives.

What about Game?

My logistics in Melbourne, just like in Sydney, were terrible. I was staying far from the city and not alone so Game was not really a priority. But whenever I found time alone, I made an approach.

Got 2 number closes at Queen Victoria Market, a place I highly recommend for Daygame. It’s full of tourists and it’s very easy to start a conversation with that cute foreigner who, just like you, is looking for the perfect souvenir. Same goes for South Melbourne Market.

Federation Square and the area by the river are good choices too. Mainly because it’s good for hanging out as well. I got an almost-instant date there. Cute Slovenian girl who I opened with an observational opener about her clothes and how she resembled a zebra. About an hour later we were having a beer by the river. Long story short, I got a light kiss on the lips, took her back to her building but she lived with a guy so it ended there. I knew she had a “friend” as she called him who is some sort of provider but didn’t know they were living together. Had I known, I’d try to extend the date. Anyway.

Met a cute German girl at Fitzroy gardens. She was drawing by the fountain. Had text exchange that never became a date, possibly because of our age difference (10+ years).

Met two fun girls from Brazil on the Great Ocean Road tour. Could not follow out the same night since I had to catch the train home, and they were leaving the next day.

On my last night in Melbourne I went to a rooftop bar. Met an Australian cute girl who was by herself. She was fun and a bit alpha-ish. Became friends on Snapchat but that’s about it.

The conclusion from all this is that Melbourne offers good chances and I did not even try much nightgame. The only thing I mildly regret is not renting an apartment in the city for at least one night.

 

Fireworks, kangaroos and Vegemite: Short stories from Australia pt. I

G’ day.

Two weeks in Australia is not much time but it is enough to realize that it is indeed a unique place.

The arrival

I got on a plane. 24 hours, 4 airplane meals, a handful of films and I don’t know many timezones later I landed in Melbourne’s airport. It has the funniest sounding name of an airport I’ve been to: Tullamarine, named after a nearby suburb. Great candidate for a password, a planet alias and imho a pet name.

Upon arrival, after being checked for illegal items like firearms, explosives and excessive quantities of lettuce, I was finally admitted in the country. I met up with my relative who I was visiting and without wasting any time, we started heading to Sydney. By car.

We’re still on the way.

No, not really but the drive is long. And surprisingly uninteresting for the most part, considering how different the continent is to what I’m used to. Just kilometers and kilometers of road, field, some farms and at least a dozen dead kangaroos on the motorway. This is sad but at the same time kind of funny since what we see dead in European roads is mostly dogs or deer.

Oh yeah, we spent the night in Albury before continuing the road trip the next day. At a motel in this town, seemingly in the middle of nowhere. This is something I actually liked.

Sydney (kind of)

I wasn’t really staying in Sydney. I was staying in a coastal suburb about 90km away from the city. And I was staying with relatives, so my logistics for Game were bad. But the main reason for the trip was to spend time with family. Having my mind off pickup on a trip was good for a change. Well, not completely off. Hard for that to happen considering it was beach season. And I did make a few approaches on the one day I was alone at the beach. But I ran into recently separated, taken or too old and sunburned women, until I started getting sunburned myself.

While there, we went around to different beaches and towns. Coming from southern Europe myself I couldn’t help but compare the beaches and the water to what we have back home. Although I wouldn’t put any of the ones I went to in the top-5 I’ve ever been to, I was not disappointed. For me, just having a summery Christmas, lying in the sand after opening presents under the tree and swimming in the ocean on New Year’s Day was amazing, simply in its difference from what I’m used to.

beach_sydney
Does it look like white Christmas?

Australian Reptile Park

This was by far one of the coolest places I have been to abroad. You can see many of the animals Australia is known for, you get to watch an extremely entertaining guide present some of the deadliest animals around as if they were his pets and you get to befriend kangaroos. They could easily make a more realistic version of Jurassic Park there. Like, the Komodo dragon escaped and wants to…You know what, I’m saving that for Hollywood.

reptile_park
They are actually quite friendly

Sydney (for real)

I went in Sydney twice. Once to do the touristy stuff. And once to do the touristy stuff on New Year’s Eve.

If Australia was an amusement park, Sydney would be the mainstream attraction. The ride it’s known for, the one most people are there to go on. It isn’t necessarily the most interesting place for everyone, that depends on what you’re after. But it has certain things that are hard to beat: the view of and from the Harbour Bridge, the liveliness around the harbour and of course, the Opera.

sydney_harbour
Ok, ok, I’ll stay

To name drop a few places we visited, we went on a ferry ride to Watsons Bay, we had a beer at Bondi Beach and we walked along Darling Harbour. Bondi beach looks like a great place to game girls, not only the beach itself but the promenade, the bars on it, and the nearby park area. Had I more time or had it been easier to drop in the city again, I would most likely spend some time approaching there. The place is packed with tourists which is always a good ground for pickup.

bondi_panorama
So you don’t have beaches like that where you’re from?

On New Year’s Eve we went to the city again for the fireworks. A picture is worth a thousand words so here’s what it looks like:

sydney_fireworks
First in 2019

Although most people were in bigger groups and often mixed, it’s still a good place to approach and perhaps make connections for later in the evening. It is the first night of the year after all.

Vegemite

Every place offers its own culinary experience. Australia has good seafood and I tried some really tasty Barramundi while the prawns we had the day after Christmas weren’t bad either. Lots more to taste seafood-wise probably but the thing that will stick with you, if you try it, is Vegemite. It will stick, but not because it’s tasty. It will stick partly because it is a bit sticky but mostly because it has pretty intense taste.

Vegemite is a spread made by the leftovers that remain at the bottom of the beer barrel. Something like that anyway. It has an interesting story behind it, being the food of the soldiers in WWI which they then brought back home to Australia and forced their kids to eat. For my palette it wasn’t great not terrible either. I wouldn’t make it a first choice for my toasted bread though.

This sums up my impressions of my first week in Australia. Part 2 will focus on my experience in Melbourne. Until then, g’ day mates.

The Good and Bad of being a Web Developer

Three days ago it was my 5th anniversary since I got my first ever developer job.

(Champagne cork popping sound)

I only realized it now. 5 years. By the way, for some reason 5 years seems to be the cutoff point after which you are considered “senior”.

It’s understandable that under 5 years you have had the time to work and evolve, probably seen a good deal of things at work. Become proficient at a language, learned a thing or two about application architecture, gone through the teething problems of a project, learned the ropes i.e. tools, become more efficient and of course trained in which gif/meme to post in Slack for every situation.

The truth is I do feel much more confident in what I know than a couple years ago…But I can’t help but raise an eyebrow when somebody refers to me as senior. I just know there are so many things that I don’t know.

I decided I would study IT at a relatively young age. Already in junior high I knew I would most likely go for some sort of IT university. Back then, I thought I’d learn how to program either for some sort of creative/artistic purpose, like animations in ads or games or something similar, or to work for a secret service. Security, cryptography, a keyboard version of James Bond.

To be honest, my actual plan was to study IT and have it as a backup in the remote case my Hollywood career as an actor wouldn’t turn out to be successful. It turns out that Hollywood agents are pretty bad at their job since nobody ringed me. And it’s not like I don’t have an impressive reel. I played Santa at first grade with enormous success and I was the star at a guy’s 3-minute short episode of a web series. It was the only episode though, since I was the murder victim and died of poisoning. Urban legend has it that the guy who plays Joffrey in GoT has based his performance on that exact episode.

Anyway, life has brought it so that I work full-time as a developer at a big e-shop (Hollywood dream still has a heartbeat though).

Working as a Web Developer is something I’m actually enjoying. There are a number of things that make this type of work fun.

It goes without saying that if you like computers and how they work, if you are excited about making them do things then programming is your game. But there’s more.

Puzzles and problem solving? Programming is for you. Automating things? Programming is for you. Like video games and want to make yours? Programming is for you. Love the movie Hackers? Programming is for you. Wish you could make every girl on Tinder swipe right? Programming is for you.

All joking side, programming is very creative profession. And what I love about it is the number of different branches you can work in. Commercial sites, finance, medical systems, education, media, entertainment, tourism even sports. There’s virtually no area where a system is or will not be used, and systems need programmers.

Another thing that’s awesome about being a programmer nowadays is that you’re a f*cking rockstar. I mean, really, everybody wants you. There is work almost anywhere on the planet. The need for developers is so high that “unemployed programmer” is now the shortest joke in the world. In Europe, there’s a projected shortage of 500.000 skilled IT professionals by the year 2020 (source).

What makes life easier on top of all that, are the working conditions. Now, I am not going to generalize here. This certainly depends A LOT on which country you’re in and what company you work for. I have been in both ends of the spectrum. My first job was at a small company with more projects than people…and I suffered. But as soon as I got my next one, my life has become much, much more comfortable. Flexible schedule, work from home is possible, vacation days, company events and trips, paid conferences, free stuff at the office, activities. Developers may be the working force of the 21st century, but when it comes to conditions they don’t have much in common with factory workers from the 20th.

I haven’t mentioned money so far. Money is another thing that depends a lot on the local economy and the success of the organization you work for. But in general terms, IT jobs pay better than most. Without looking at stats I’d dare say that most often the salary of the average developer is double that of the average employee.

And last but not least, you can be your own boss. You can start your own company or become a freelancer. You can be part of a team, or work alone. All is possible.

Oh yeah, and the image of computer nerds in 2018, almost 2019 is not really the same as in the 80s. It’s much more “normal” and mainstream to geek out on things now. Not to mention that thanks to pop culture there’s a new standard for how programmers look and what situations they can find themselves in:

source
Just another day at work

But. There’s always a but.

Working in tech is not always easy. Many things are subjective and relevant.

The worst thing when working as a developer is that there never seems to be enough TIME. Deadlines, releasing before a certain date, being first before the competition, adapting to ridiculous time demands is probably the #1 stress factor at most workplaces. I don’t know why time planning in IT projects is so difficult. It’s probably the same thing as everything else: Time is money. Less time spent, less money spent. Which leads to the brilliant conclusion that if a woman can give birth to a baby in 9 months, then 9 women will give birth to a baby in 1 month. Some real math right there.

Working as a developer can be very stressful and tiring. On my first job, at a small consultancy, I was working 12-16 hours for the first month almost every weekday. Plus worked weekends, worked a few hours New Year’s Eve, worked late night or early day. I was employed on a project basis, meaning if the employer decided they didn’t want me I would get kicked. I was payed by the hour so no paid off-time, no insurance, no vacation. I live in a country where what I’m describing is considered slave work. There are much, much worse conditions in other places and other companies. I’m only giving my experience here.

Being a developer is also pretty demanding in terms of being up-to-date with current trends, methodologies and techniques. For instance, Functional Programming is all the rage nowadays. That means you have to become familiar with Functional Programming. You have to continuously keep learning. Most important though you have to internalize one simple fact: All you know might be worth nothing in less than a couple of years.

Well not nothing, thanks legacy systems and maintenance. But next to nothing. At least not something that will get you a fun job. Who wants to be patching old things all the time?

It can feel like a continuous race only to catch up.

Talking about catching up, the competition is fierce. There are many people out there doing amazing things with the same skills you supposedly have. There are people with much less time in the branch who already know more. Imposter syndrome is a very common issue in IT. Where you feel you’re a fraud, you’re not enough and scared that everyone will find out. And the developer community can sometimes be very harsh and judgemental, especially online.

Lastly, there are not enough women in IT. This being a blog where I write a lot about Game, I had to mention it. IT school is basically 85 dudes, 15 non-dudes. If you’re lucky 1/3 of the non-dudes will be attractive girls. So don’t expect to be practicing those pickup skills, kino and calibration there so much. I expect this to change in the coming years. It probably already has to some extent compared to when I went to school, but still not anywhere near being equal numbers.

After being in this line of work for 5 years, and having studied it for another 6+ before that, it’s hard for me to think how life would be if I wasn’t in it. Being a developer is, I won’t say a lifestyle, but it is part of your identity. Mainly because it shapes your way of thinking and it has a strong subculture. So…shit, I got to go, my build is failing.

How outcome independent can you really be?

Or how does your Inner Game get affected by your Outer?

First, a little reminder.

Inner Game is all about how you feel inside. What state you are in emotionally. How you view yourself both as a separate individual and related to others. How attractive you think you are for women and which women you believe are attracted to you. What level of skill you believe you have in doing certain things. Anything related to your confidence, self esteem and self worth are Inner Game stuff.

Outer Game is how you project yourself to the world. How you present yourself, what you wear, how you talk. Your ability to excite people, to make them emote. Your verbal and non-verbal skills, your tonality, your voice, your mannerisms and expressions. What you choose to say. The way you touch, the way you escalate. All those things that have to do with how you approach someone are Outer Game.

Some time ago I came to a realization. No matter the amount of inner tranquil you can achieve, be it you can refrain from screaming at the TV when your team plays like a bunch of ladies against their biggest rival all the way to Buddhist-monk-and-I-can-levitate, you will never be at rest if you don’t achieve outer goals.

In a Game context, at least, getting what you want is vital to feeling at rest.

What about “outcome independence” then?

Outcome independence is a mindset that helps you become less stressed and anxious about, guess what, achieving your OUTER goals! It is an Inner Game characteristic that improves your OUTER Game. It does not, by itself, bring you peace of mind. It is the result associated with becoming outcome independent that satisfies your restlessness.

pexels-photo-372281
He is probably pretty outcome independent

Looking at it from the other side, an external goal being achieved makes you FEEL better. You are calmer and you see signs of your skill being recognized. In the context of Game, it means you see interest by women. It means you start feeling more confident in yourself and his ability to attract. To get a notch, find a girlfriend, create relationships and so on.

Unless you’re MGTOW or a monk, I don’t think you can escape this simple truth. If you’re a single man who is interested in women, you need to see results in order to feel absolutely calm. At the same time, you need to fix your insecurities in order to get results.

I don’t remember where I read this, probably in a book by a PUA, but it said “Take the most insecure guy in the world, with the worst inner Game imaginable and teach him how to get laid with a dozen women. Then ask him how confident he feels.”.

Last year I went through a phase where I was feeling better than usual. I met a guy who I was winging with who was in a constant upbeat and light hearted state. This transformed me from being a bit slow to get going and nervous in the beginning of a night out (that is another issue, when viewing every night as a mission) to being more fun and getting in set easier. This simple change inside was very visible on the outside.

At the same time, the interest I was getting that period made me feel more secure in my ability to attract.

There are probably many guys who would argue that you should never let pickup define your inner state. Although I see the point and agree with it up to a point, I can’t say it makes total sense.

Think about a football (European, but the exact sport doesn’t really matter unless NFL teams consist of enlightened gurus detached from their earthly tether) team losing one game after the other but nobody feeling bad about it because, well, they play well and enjoy the game. You cannot enjoy any game if you keep losing.

The only way you can truly detach from outer outcome, is if you do not care at all. In terms of Game, it would mean that you don’t care about the ability to attract. You don’t care about getting laid. You don’t care about feeling desirable.

That would be easily achievable if sex was not a physical need. As I write this, I realize that the world “need” is not accurate. You don’t need sex to survive. But it sure feels a lot like a matter of life or death when you’re having that big morning erection…or multiple ones. Sex comes to our mind either we want it either we don’t.

If I was allowed to use a cliché, which I am not, I would say that Game is not all black and white. It’s not either you are obsessed, or you are completely unaffected by your results. When it’s all said and done, Game is about becoming the best, most attractive version of yourself. And that version surely involves some women.